here's a fun fact about me: (i think) i'm an agnostic. no, this is not something i picked up just recently. i've been wondering about why i've never held mass or any religious tradition as important concepts to prioritize in terms of faith since i was in...hmm, about 4th grade i guess. i thought then that it was wrong to "doubt" like that so i tried to think that these rituals we do as catholics are really as important as my elders told me. but i never really did brush off that thought completely. and everytime i asked people assume that its something extreme and would suddenly preach to me like i'm someone in need of saving. i mean i understand that it'll somehow be defending the faith, but i'm not denying the existence of God, i'm just asking questions about our RELIGION! :|

i think it was sometime in highschool that i found a term for my 'belief', or lack thereof... this term called agnosticism. google defines an agnostic as "someone who claims that they do not know or are unable to know whether God exists". and that doesnt apply to me, HAHA. it's just that the term is near to what my opinion on faith is. i mean i believe in a God, or a primordial being, i just dont.. get these practices that are 'required' for this faith to be valid. isnt living a good life and having a good spiritual relationship with this supreme being enough? religion is like the middle man in this relationship, and humans who are capable of error run it, so like, why not cut off the middle man and focus on a purer relationship with God/Supreme Being? plus there're always these lines drawn between catholicism and other religions, and i think that you dont have to believe in the catholic God to be considered good or something. i grew up in a very catholic family and school and culture, so the belief of the existence of God was hardwired into me since birth, it's probably why the faith stuck[, or i dont know, i still wonder about how would my belief be if i didnt get conditioned into believing in God? would i be an atheist then?] XD . i was thinking that with all the stuff religion tries to teach us, the main point is to love and help and do good things. you'd actually accomplish that if you're not going to mass all the time, i'm just saying. i'm not even sure if the catholic vision of the afterlife is what we're gonna encounter so why bank everything on one belief, one doctrine? the bottomline of believing in a God to me, is not to worship a deity or anything, but to keep our moral toes in line. and other religions probably have the same goal. in all honesty i've lived most of life [since my realization] with karma as my primary spiritual guide. i find that its simple, and does the job of being a good person without being stuck-up or anything.

so i acknowledge that i might just want to customize my faith in a way that its convenient for me. maybe i just dont like mass or religious ceremonies. maybe i'm just rationalizing. maybe i just have a weak conviction. i acknowledge that. but i'm not sure yet. XD i mean i do believe in what i think of religion, but all this Theo121 (YES, natividad is working her magic on me) is making me do a double-take. a part of me wants a chance to believe fully again, in the Church and her teachings, because i might know too little about my faith to decide about what i dont believe in. too soon. but i havent heard the right words to make me snap out of this agnosticism (if i need to). i havent found anyone to explain to me without seeming too preachy. i want someone who has been where i am or something, someone who knows what i need to hear. [my parents were never helpful, when i told them that i believe in God but not in religion, they shook their heads and said that i cant believe in God without believing in religion. WTF?!] :| anyway, there, i'm just saying i believe that all we really need is love, i think doing good is just the perfect way to thank and exalt God/Supreme Being. I'm calling Him God because that's what they told me His name was when i was a kid, but you know, He could be someone else. and i may need help, so i need someone to convince me if you think i need convincing! :-S

LOL HAHA I AM SOOOO INCOHERENT =)) blaaaaah.

everyone's favorite afterthought.


tetdomingo
a little less conversation


You Are All My Reasons

The Eyes are a Giveaway

the cutting room floor

Never Take Friendship Personal





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