Wednesday, September 8, 2010
well it hurts to know i wont ever surprise or intrigue or impress or earn respect on my own.

it hurts to know i can easily found in loads of other people, to know that i'm not a lot to lose, and probably not even enough. it's so me to never be needed needed for particular things. anyone else could do a better job at the same thing but i just happened to be right there, willing to stick it out in the hope of finding something to really be needed in.

i used to think i could get somewhere even with my ways, but apparently you had to have a personality, these mechanisms and mindsets and certain abilities to truly be successful. all of which i've inherently practiced the opposite of. but i like being me, so it sucks that i only get to choose either my ideals or success. but it still hurts to feel irrelevant, and forgettable, and to realize that i may doomed to forever being a second-rate everything, even with the things i'm passionate about.

as far as i know, i'm replaceable. so sometimes, when i realize the awesomeness of where i am, i think, "what the hell am i doing here? i'm not worthy and i don't even like what this is making me!" and i could easily leave and save myself the misery but i've come to truly love so much and care so much and have the details of it mean so much to me i'm willing to work my ass off just to deserve it and be a part of it.

i will find the answer in Peels.
0 boo(s)

0 I've been booed!

Boo me?